Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Other Side of The Fence - A Take On Women's Role In The Game

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Yo, what's up my beloved readers. Time for an update.

So, I was having fun on reddit the other day, (im a total newbie at this reddit stuff) and I just started posting and commenting and somehow learned that when your arrow becomes orange, it means good stuff. :)

There was a post there by a girl asking for advice on asking a guy out.

Now I think this would be a relevant topic for us since it's not only us guys who play the game. Everyone plays the game. And mind you, some women are very good at it. So that being said, just try this new outlook that you are not always the one fighting for a win. got that? good.


Anyhoo, here's the thread.

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annaloser said :

Asking a guy out for the first time advice needed (or something)

Basically, there's a guy (23) I met recently, and we've been hanging a bit (with other people), and I really like him. I'm really shy, and in the past the way I would deal with this is to never ever do anything to indicate that I like someone because omg what if he finds out I like him?! This has generally never gone down well.

So, in order to prevent the little crush becoming a huge unrequited love that will cause a lot of heart ache, I'm planning on laying the cards on the table now and saying Hey, I like you.. do you want to go for a drink sometime? and seeing what happens.


The thing is, I'm unsure when to do it.. should I just get it out of the way and ask now? (We just hung out last night). Or should I wait a little while since we've seen each other to ask? And then, should I make sure I actually have a somewhat free schedule, or work around what I've already got planned? (I don't want him to say yes and suggest a time and have to be like um, actually I can't do then...).

I guess this post is really about me never having done this before and being nervous about it (especially because I'm living abroad and there's a language thing too).. so I'd love some words of encouagement/advice so I don't chicken out! Thanks!

TL;DR: Shy 20F wants to ask 23M out (first time asking someone out). Wants advice on picking the moment, and maybe some words of encouragement.

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Now this is interesting. Since most guys think about women as those ice queens always being chased by heaps of men. Plus we have no idea how this girl looks like. That's their primary weapon btw. But we all know that doesn't always win the game for them.

I want to point out that everyone is basically the same. We all have hopes, dreams, fears and idiosyncrasies.

So being intimidated by people is not really an option. It's just your mind playing tricks on you if you get intimidated a lot.

Girls are human. They are not some goddesses up above that will bring down the meteors on you if you somehow wrong them. Well, that is true in some cases lol.

Point is, girls cry, laugh, feel bad and get nervous, just like you do. Now your job as a man is to be the grounding energy. Never get nervous more than her. Never feel bad more than her. You are the rock she can lean on.

OK. Great. 

Now let's see how the thread went. Here's my reply :

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first and foremost, be confident. your username implies otherwise. we men like to be chased a bit but not too much. cross the line of above normal and you're gonna scare the guy off. we guys can feel it if a girl likes us. on the other hand, just flirt. and be mild about it. that's your way of letting him know. be subtle.

you're thinking too much. you're a woman, do the prep work, whatever women does, ask your trusted friends. let him chase you a bit, we men like a challenge. well that depends of the type of guy he is.

ask him out in a way that is not intrusive and subtle. make sure to smile, like you are expecting that this is going down. you know that look and smile that says "i like you, lead me". like the way wives/girls act when you're having fun on the beach. you're better off acting subtly flirty but not obvious.

take this with a grain of salt. i'm a guy. who happens to be a playboy.
--
Here, I'm trying to assess her personality to better help her. Now why did my FONT just changed? anyway yeah. She seems to be the average friendly cute girl type.  
Now some other girl jumped in the conversation :
[–]noonewilleverloveyou 0 points 22 hours ago

Yeah, ok, you like being chased, not all men like being chased. My experience is that some men appreciate a direct approach, some don't. At least you r
ecognize that a "challenge" isn't necessarily what all men are after.

My experience is that it just isn't worth playing these sorts of games. That isn't to say there isn't a fine art of flirting and playing coy in some instances, but honestly, I consider those to be advanced dating skills. Given the OP's lack of experience in initiating dating contact, and potential cultural and language misunderstandings in this instance, being direct will probably serve her better.
and I replied :
I agree that being direct could work. YET we have no idea how these two people look like, interact, or what their idiosyncrazies are. (crazies, pun intended)

im helping her out by telling her what works on men ba
sed on my massive experience with girls. in that sense I help her have a greater chance than being so direct. she's a girl for cakes sake. men are turned off by women they aren't attracted to who chase them tirelessly.

Girls who have at least a bit of class always get plus points from us. mind you, im not talking in the context of "superficial" class. I'm talking "behavioral sophistication". very attractive on a girl. On the contrary, girls who are too snobby and bitchy are too much. There's a balance I'm pointing out there.

attraction is the main deciding factor here. or the guys affinity to getting laid.

learning these games ARE mandatory if you want to have an edge over both factions. men and women.

I think anna is the down to earth/girl next door type. She'll do well if she just chill out and talk to him naturally.

I'm not saying she can't say she likes him. she can say whatever she wants -she's confident enough to do that. I'm just reminding her to go about it the right way -(in a statistical context -what works on US men). coz i have been with a LOT of girls. and I KNOW what is really attractive in terms of WOMAN BEHAVIOR. Some of us are not as shallow as you think.

NOW, if she's REALLY pretty or hot/cute enough, she can just go grab his face and make out after a few drinks at the bar. That simple. :D (given the guy has at least a bit of attraction towards her-which in this case, based on what she wrote, there's a good chance they like each other) anna is okay either way. just too nervous. haha
--
  
I found this thread interesting and hilarious I thought of sharing it. I left out the other replies.
The important thing to realize here is that if you are challenged at this game of meeting, dealing and dating women, some women are also having a hard time and that may be the woman you are thinking about right now. :)

So yeah, be confident, be the man. And chillax. I want to stress that this is very important, since if you are more nervous than the girl, you can expect that she'll go to the bathroom soon. lol

Alright, that's it. I gtg. Later! :)





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